i have 0 tolerance for stupidity
for years now, i have had the great honour to be my best friends' confidant. and while i have had my share of questionable choices in love for the majority of my early 20s, im proud to say that while i am not in a perfect relationship, i am proud of the decisions i have made ever since ive been in one. are they always the right ones? no, but i can live with them, i take accountability for them.
recently, my best friend (29) confided in me that his boyfriend, 25, read through his messages while he was sick. when the bestie woke up, the boyfriend got mad at him because he "lied."
let me back you up.
the bestie and i have been friends since we're 15. we've been inseparable since then.
this is bestie's first boyfriend (hopefully the last as well). the boyfriend got cheated on in the past, understandable, so he gets a little too paranoid.
my bestie is workaholic as fuck. he spends almost 7 days in his office, and if he's not there, he's at home writing articles for their website.
when he started this relationship, bestie was concerned he won't be able to give enough time for the boyfriend because he's always working. i told him, you'll find someone who'd understand.
now, while he is in a loving relationship. all i ever hear about are praises to the boyfriend. my bestie is in love.
the boyfriend is a curious one. very inquisitive. he's always asking about bestie's past relationships, his past dates. while i do agree those are interesting to know, especially since you're just starting out a relationship, i don't think it should be the core of the relationship.
it got me thinking about my relationship. i only ever had one boyfriend, my current almost husband. we talked about our past lovers here and there, but we never had a huge fight about exes. nor did we do a deep dive on each of them. it was just how we met, how it ended. i guess it was because we don't care about what's done anymore and we're more focused on what's to happen. but maybe it's just us.
now, bestie and his boyfriend talk about the exes a lot.
boyfriend would always ask, "have you dated someone when you were here?" "have you dated someone when you worked there?" "have you met with someone when you visited this?" so on and so forth.
it is nice to know someone wants to know everything about you, until they start weaponising it against you.
bestie, while being a writer, is also not the best memory keeper. he would always forget birthdays, and facts about our friends. all the memories we had from highschool to college, most of them erased. i can't be mad though, because he's always the happiest person i ever hangout with. looks like not clinging to the past works.
boyfriend asked if bestie dated anyone when he was working in the capital with this big company. if you ask me, i know the answer was no, and bestie said the same thing, because it was true.
but upon the boyfriend's digging, he found out that apparently, bestie dated someone some 8 years ago, and hid it from him.
the guy he was talking about was some dude from college who got in touch "for old time's sake." i couldn't defend the dude so much, but from what i do know from that relationship is that, it was not really a relationship. it was an almost, until it wasn't. they stayed in touch mainly because the guy was a manipulative son of a bitch, and bestie was too nice to say no.
apparently, the boyfriend asked bestie about who he dated 8 years ago, bestie said "no one." and when the boyfriend started digging, found out about the invites, he was filled with rage because bestie was "lying."
i don't care for it.
first of all, the boyfriend dug up conversations from 8 years ago, while besties was with flu, sleeping.
next, bestie woke up with him fuming about a betrayal he can't even remember.
also, the amount of effort you must exert to be browsing through someone’s conversations just to be mad about something you weren't even a part of is crazy!
when my bestie told me this, i told him, it appears the boyfriend is projecting a fear of being cheated on, and is unconsciously looking for things to be mad about so when bestie does cheat, boyfriend can say "i knew it."
and is that what a relationship is supposed to be?
i guess, if you're not comfortable leaving things behind in the past, then you shouldn't be in a relationship at all.
we separated that night, with my last words being "talk to your boyfriend, and make him realise it's his fault he's mad, not yours."
we're set to meet this week. i know i don't have to socialise with him, but knowing what i know irks me, mainly because i can't say anything about it. but also, i don't like the thought of walking on eggshells with someone i grew up with. but i guess that happens when other people are now in our lives. we develop a different persona.
I'm still annoyed at the dude. if this ever happens again, welp, theyrold enough, they should know better. i have my own issues to face.