Situationships lasting longer than 4 months are stupid
One of my dear friends went through a "break-up" last Sunday. I couldn't call it an actual break-up because they were never really official. They're in a situationship. You know, that grey area where you both like each other but somehow one of you is hesitant to be in an actual relationship for whatever reason.
In the Philippines, we have the "courting" or ligaw stage. It's the period of time where the guy has to show the woman that they're worthy of being their boyfriend. You may think that it's a good idea, but as a Filipina, I loathe the idea of it.
When you're courting someone, you always make sure you're in the best state. You'd do everything for show, and when you finally get the "yes," there's a huge chance you'll slack off because, why? You already got the girl. This opinion is based solely on observation.
If you're conservative, and you feel like agreeing to a relationship too quickly may feel off, I understand. That's why we have the modern-day ligawan or "talking stage." This is where you get to know the other person. What are they like? What makes them happy? What triggers them? Who are they with often? What type of relationship are they aiming to build? Do they want kids... so on and so forth.
This is how I view modern dating based on my experience as a heterosexual woman:
- Frenny stage - You banter with each other, you genuinely just talk to each other about anything without flirting or whatsoever. This is where you both assess if the other person is something you can tolerate at the very least. It takes some time, maybe more time than necessary, and if you both feel romantic with each other, you move on to the next phase; if not, then you'll remain frennies for life.
- Talking stage aka the Situationship - I've had a fair share of situationships in my life. Most of them started as friends, and eventually, one of us would confess their feelings and intent to be in a relationship, so this grey area is "let's see how it goes." This is where you'd flirt, you'd act like lovey-doveys, calling each other on the phone, calling each other names, demanding more attention, and having sex. It's basically a free trial as a partner. For me, the talking stage shouldn't last longer than 4 months. Logically speaking, you already have known each other in the frenny stage. If the trial period lasts for so long with none of you wanting things to be official and yet are exclusively seeing each other, you're both stupid and cowards. I don't know what else to tell you. If one of you has the guts you would either end everything right there and there, or be official!
- Official stage - Congratulations, you now have a boyfriend or a girlfriend! You're now frennies who have sex without the confusion of what everything means. You also have a potential partner for life!
I am aware that my timeline may be different from other people. Some of my friends start their relationships with hook-ups. I personally did not have much success in that area and have found that that wasn't for me so I went through the timeline that I am comfortable with. At the end of the day, you decide what route your relationship is going to take.
My friend decided to take the route of theirs through a 6-month situationship. Whenever I ask my friend why, he had always said "Because I love him." I don't have anything to say but "Okay."
My friend was there for everything the dude needed him for. When the dude had to be at the hospital, my friend was there taking care of him. My friend would pay for dates, travel to another province, and so on and so forth. A lot of effort has been poured into the dude, but for 6 months, the dude didn't stop to think, "Wait a second, I'd want this guy to be mine officially." It sucks.
He let my friend stay with him for almost a year! When my friend finally decided to end things because he's not getting what he wants from the relationship, the dude said, "Oh, just when I was planning to make things official." Yeah, right. The dude said he was planning to say "yes" in December.
He also said that my friend was "unfair" to end things that quickly, and that he didn't even give him a chance to improve. What was there to improve? You didn't have the guts to make things official for 6 months, and yet, you were asking for a chance to be better at the things he didn't like? You made it clear that he was not your boyfriend, but you want to make things better... Okay?
I know I shouldn't be meddling with my friends' relationships, but my protective nature just wants to fight whoever hurt them. By the time I found out my friend had been travelling back and forth for a guy who was benching him, I was enraged, and I just knew I didn't like that dude.
My friend is still grieving the loss of an almost, and although I have a lot of jokes at the bank, I'll let him be. It's a canon event. I just know the next one would be better for him.